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SIDURI
I live by the seashore. Gee, look at the haggard man covered in animals skins! He must be a murderer!
SIDURI runs into her house and locks all the doors and gates but GILGAMESH hears the noise.
GILGAMESH
Why are you locking your doors? I am the great king Gilgamesh! Let me in our I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!
SIDURI
No! If you’re Gilgamesh, why do you look so haggard and desolate?
GILGAMESH
Shouldn’t I? My lover Enkidu has died. I mourned him for six days and seven nights and I wouldn’t let him be buried until a maggot fell out of his nose.
SIDURI
That’s sick.
GILGAMESH
No, that’s grief. I don’t want to die and have maggots fall out of my nose! So, which way to Utanapishtim?
SIDURI
No one sees the great Utanapishtim! You’d have to cross the sea and then the Waters of Death and no one can do that except for Shamash.
GILGAMESH
I will or I’ll die trying!
SIDURI
That was kind of the point. Utanapishtim’s ferryman Urshanabi is over there.
GILGAMESH
Thanks!
GILGAMESH goes over to URSHANABI and breaks some STONE THINGS but nobody seems to know what they are even though they seem to be IMPORTANT.
GILGAMESH
Whoops, hope you didn’t need those.
URSHANABI
Geez, you look sad. Why the long face?
GILGAMESH
My lover is dead.
URSHANABI
Sucks to be you, pal. Still there’s no reason to go around breaking people’s stone things.
GILGAMESH
I’m looking for Utanapishtim. Take me to him.
URSHANABI
No can do.
GILGAMESH
Why not?
URSHANABI
You broke my stone things and I needed those.
GILGAMESH
Oh, sorry about that.
URSHANABI
So go to the woods and cut down 300 punting poles each 60 cubits in length and then bring them back here.
GILGAMESH
No problem.
GILGAMESH goes and cuts the POLES and then HE and URSHANABI set sail in the MAGILLU boat and sail for a month and a half before they reach the WATERS OF DEATH.
URSHANABI
Now take those poles, Gilgamesh, your hands must never touch the Waters of Death.
GILGAMESH
Oh, is that why I need 300?
URSHANABI
Yep.
Then for NO REASON GILGAMESH gets naked!
URSHANABI
Dude, put your clothes back on.
GILGAMESH
But I ran out of poles so I’m holding my clothes around the mast or maybe the poles, not really sure I think the Tablet broke.
URSHANABI
Yeah, that happens a lot, still put your clothes back on.
Meanwhile UTANAPISHTIM stares at the boat and wonders what’s going on.
UTANAPISHTIM
Why are the stone things smashed? And why is someone besides Urshanabi sailing the boat?
Somewhere in the MISSING LINES GILGAMESH lands the boat but doesn’t recognize UTANAPISHTIM.
UTANAPISHTIM
You look sad, why is that?
GILGAMESH
For the third time, my lover Enkidu is dead. I need to find Utanapishtim.
UTANAPISHTIM
Tough cookies, kiddo. Humans were meant to die, otherwise the earth would be overpopulated with them. That’s the decree of the gods. The gods only let Untanapishtim live forever because he was pious and stuff.
GILGAMESH
... You know, you like kind of familiar...
UTANAPISHTIM
You're not quick on the uptake are you? You'll figure it out by the next
tablet.
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