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GILGAMESH has told his DREAMS to NINSUN; meanwhile
SHAMHAT takes ENKIDU to live with some SHEPHERDS.
ENKIDU
This is pretty great digs, food to eat, wine to drink. You
guys just rest I’ll take care of the lions and wolves and
things.
SHEPHERDS
Yay!
And so ALL WAS WELL until a man came complaining
about GILGAMESH.
TRAVELER from URUK
Gilgamesh is a great king and all but he’s going to sleep
with the women before their husbands do! Or something like
that…the writing on this tablet is pretty scanty. I mean.
I don't get if he's supposed to or not but... yeah... he's
sleeping with the destined wife before her husband!
ENKIDU
That’s outrageous!
SHAMHAT
This coming from a man that spent six days and seven nights
having sex.
ENKIDU
Never mind that! I’ve got to get to Uruk and put a stop
to this!
SHAMHAT
Not really sure why, but whatever you say.
And so ENKIDU travels with SHAMHAT to URUK to
try and stop GILGAMESH from proving to the world just how straight
he is. ENKIDU stands in front of the doors to the wedding chamber.
ENKIDU
Stop right there!
GILGAMESH and ENKIDU fight an EPIC fight. Doorposts
are shattered; the ground is torn up, whole nine yards. Eventually
GILGAMESH manages to throw ENKIDU.
ENKIDU
I say, good bout there, my friend.
GILGAMESH
Quite. Let’s be companions from here onward. You must be the
man I’m supposed to love.
They KISS and EMBRACE and become friends.
GILGAMESH
Thank goodness this epic is so hard to read otherwise the
fan girls would have a field day with this.
ENKIDU
Ancient Babylon slash would never make it on Fanfiction.net.
In a rather sudden CHANGE OF SUBJECT, GILGAMESH
has some more dreams.
GILGAMESH
Hmm, Ninsun seems to be out. You want a stab at them, Enkidu?
ENKIDU
The gods have given you a lot, just not eternal life. Be
happy with what you’ve got my friend.
GILGAMESH
I bet that will be important later.
And then ENKIDU starts to cry for some reason.
ENKIDU
Oh woe is me!
GILGAMESH
Gee, why’d you get so emo all of a sudden?
ENKIDU
The city is boring! I need some action.
GILGAMESH
Ok, how about we go and cut down the Mighty Cedar that Humbaba
is guarding?
ENKIDU
But his roar is a Flood, his mouth is Fire, and his breath
is Death!
GILGAMESH
Sounds fun. I’ll have some special weapons made.
GILGAMESH takes ENKIDU by the hand and shows
him a magic axe, some sword and armor. Unlike most epics, we
don't get a LENGTHY DESCRIPTION.
ENKIDU
I still think this a bad idea. Hey, you Elders, talk some
sense into this guy!
GILGAMESH
You were the one saying that you were bored with the city!
ELDERS
You are young at heart, Gilgamesh, but this Humbaba, his
roar is a flood, his mouth is fire...
GILGAMESH
And his breath is Death, yes I know, we’ve covered that
already. I’m going to go anyway.
ENKIDU
You are insane, you know that?
GILGAMESH
What’s crazier, me going to chop down a tree or the gods
deciding that I need to love a man like a woman?
ENKIDU
You know, I think you may be misunderstanding that part
of the epic.
GILGAMESH
When you learn how to read cuneiform, get back to me.
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