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GILGAMESH and ENKIDU stand at the FOREST’S edge.
GILGAMESH
Wow, that’s some kind of Forest there.
ENKIDU
Now you know why it has a capital F.
THEY start cutting down trees and HUMBABA comes out to see what
all the noise is.
HUMBABA
What’s all the racket? Hey, I thought I told you kids to
get off my lawn!
ENKIDU
Hah! You can’t threaten us! The two of us can take you!
GILGAMESH
Dude, that was my line.
HUMBABA
Gilgy, old friend. The Gil-miester! You aren’t going let
this nobody tell you what to do, are you?
GILGAMESH
I’m supposed to love him like a woman…
ENKIDU
Can we get off of that already? The epic has homosexual
overtones, we get it, let’s move on!
HUMBABA
Why, I ought to feed your flesh to the screaming vultures,
the eagle, and the vulture!
ENKIDU
So, screaming vultures and vultures are two different birds
then?
GILGAMESH is frightened by this and runs and hides.
GILGAMESH
He has a scary face!
ENKIDU
Dude, why are you hiding, weren’t you just telling me to
be brave? I’m sure Shamash will help us!
And so GILGAMESH and ENKIDU fight HUMBABA. It is, of course,
an epic fight, which means it took a LONG TIME. SHAMASH gets
impatient.
SHAMASH
Oh, come on, you two can’t do a thing on your own can you?
Fine, I’ll send thirteen winds.
ENKIDU
Thirteen?
SHAMASH
Yes. Southwind, Northwind, Eastwind, Westwind, Whistling
Wind, Piercing Wind, Blizzard, Bad Wind, Wind of Simurru,
Demon Wind, Ice Wind, Storm, and Sandstorm.
ENKIDU
I’m fairly sure some of those are the same thing.
SHAMASH
Shush!
The THIRTEEN WINDS trap HAMBABA and GILGMASH gets ready to kill
him.
HAMBABA
Please don’t kill me! I’ll be your servant! I’ll cut down
the trees for you!
ENKIDU
Don’t listen to him! HAMBABA Shut up, Enkidu! I should’ve
fed your flesh…
ENKIDU
That’s enough repetition for one Tablet, thank you.
HAMBABA
Tell Gilgamesh to spare my life!
ENKIDU
Kill him or the Gods will be pissed.
HAMBABA makes one final bid for freedom, which of course fails.
Seeing he is going to die, like all good epic villains, he utters
a CURSE.
HAMBABA
May Enkidu not live the longer of the two of you!
ENKIDU
Umm, Gilgamesh, what are you waiting for? Kill him!
GILGAMESH
Sorry, thought he should have his last words. They’ll probably
be important later.
GILGAMESH kills HAMBABA and like a good epic hero, cuts off
his HEAD. THEY then proceed to cut down some trees, including
the GREAT CEDAR.
ENKIDU
This will make a great door for the Temple.
GILGAMESH
Sounds good. Let's get going, I'll just hold this bloody
head aloft.
ENKIDU
Wierdo.
THEY set sail for HOME.
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